2014 brought Sean and I many challenges and many blessings. I personally experienced some of the most difficult times I have yet to go through. I felt alone and desperate for help. When I finally broke down and got the help I needed, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. As time has passed, some of the circumstances that frustrated me the most, and made me more angry that I can describe, turned out to be huge blessings. The Lord has watched over me more than I realized at the time, and His hand has been more involved in the circumstances surrounding my life than I even now realize.
Looking back, reading journal entries, I realize that there have been many instances in my life where the lord has kind of drop-kicked me to where I should be. This usually happens when I'm being stubborn and distancing myself from Him. I had several months last year where nothing was working out how I wanted it to. With every desire that fell through, I felt more and more angry with God. I would scream at Him and tell Him that I just didn't get it. I was trying the best I could at the time, which wasn't much, and still nothing was working out. We wanted more space, and spent hours pouring over our options, every time something seemed to be finally working out, it would fall through. I didn't get it. I didn't understand.
When Sean lost his job, it was the last straw. I was completely broken and I felt entirely abandoned. Then, a funny thing happened. Things started to change. My life started to mold. I had finally reached a point where I had to admit that I could no longer go at it alone. I sought out help for my depression, and once I was back to my normal self, things started to make sense. The Lord knew that Sean wouldn't have a job for much longer, so He made it difficult for us to move. He also knew that when Sean lost his job, we would need support from people around us. My sister took an enormous burden off of us by allowing us to eat dinner with them every night, and continuing to allow me to use her washer and dryer. She even did my laundry a couple times when I had to pick up extra shifts. My visiting teaching companion offered to buy us a case of peanut butter and jelly, which I politely turned down, mostly because of my pride, but I felt her support as she was willing to serve me. I was also offered meals by a sister in the relief society presidency, and was assured by the bishopric that if we needed help, the church was there to support us. "You don't have to go through this alone," he said. Little did he know, but those were exactly the words I needed to hear. I am confident that the reason we didn't need to seek out help is because we continued to faithfully pay our tithing. I have always felt that tithing was an insurance policy of sorts, but my testimony was reaffirmed as month after month, we had just enough to meet our needs.
Sean and I have grown stronger as a couple. We have learned more and grown more than we ever realized we needed to. I have a testimony of tithing. I have a testimony of the guiding Hand of the Lord. I know that He loves me and knows what is best for me. I am positive that we will yet go through many more difficult things, but I am also positive that the lord will lead us through, and carry us when necessary. I am excited for this year to see what the Lord has in store for us.
Thank you all for sending your love and support. It has been felt. We feel so blessed to have so many people who love and care for us.
On another note, I have decided that I need to eat better. I am excited to say that I have given up soda, and am limiting processed foods. I am participating in the Advocare 24 day challenge along with my sister, and plan to stick to the eating guidelines for the most part when it is done. I'm on day 3 of the challenge today, but have been avoiding processed foods, soda, and sugar since the first and have already seen results I will never be a health food fanatic, and I will definitely enjoy cookies and sweets in moderation, but I don't want them to run my life. I'm excited for the change, and am confident that it is the right decision for me.
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